Leaving next week

Resurrection people, I’m in the last week of preparation to leave for the academic year of 2010-2011. I will do the final year of education in residence at the Church Divinity School of the Pacific, www.cdsp.edu/ that is part of the Graduate Theological Union, www.gtu.edu/.

The Graduate Theological Union is an ecumenical and interreligious institution that includes Christian denominations and other faith traditions. It is the largest partnership of seminaries and graduate schools in the United States. GTU describes itself as a haven for interdisciplinary religious thought, study, and practice, making a tangible difference for the greatest good – and serving as the place where religion meets the world.

CDSP and GTU are located in Berkeley, California on ‘Holy Hill’ adjacent to University of California Berkeley. I’ll have access to nine theological seminaries and eleven centers and affiliates in addition to one of the finest theological libraries in the world. Religious traditions represented at GTU include Episcopal, Baptist, L:utheran, Presbyterian, Catholic, Unitarian Universalist, Greek Orthodox, Jewish, Islamic, and Buddhist—all working together for a common mission while maintaining the distinctiveness of their particular communities of faith. GTU’s curriculum has grown beyond the traditional strengths in Bible, history, theology, and ethics to include the arts, cultural and historical studies, spirituality, and interdisciplinary studies.

I leave Friday, August 27. On August 30, I’ll participate in orientation and then classes start the week after. During the four days of orientation I will be assigned an academic advisor and meet with her or him, meet with incoming seminarians, register for classes, worship, learn about how to access GTU’s great library, learn about how CDSP works, have photo id created, attend a welcoming tea, dinner with advisors, and two BBQs. Good thing these folks want us to come together each day for meals. I think that really creates community and I’ll find out if Berkeley’s foodie reputation is deserved. Orientation will also teach me how to make the most of my time at CDSP.

Since I leave in just a few days, my anxiety level is up again. July in Oakland and Berkeley answered many questions for me such as—will I be able to find my way around, where is the most convenient place to buy diet Pepsi, where will I sleep, will I be able to find a place to worship, can I manage to pump my own gas. Now that I know some of the basics that are ahead, I am turning to some interior work. I realize that I’m experiencing grief at letting go of my Eugene self. The change of identity seems to be at the core of my grieving. While I remain confident that this journey is the right journey for me, I know that this coming school year will change my life. Life changing events are difficult even when it is exactly what you want. Remember the weeks before your marriage or birth of a child. Perhaps this is harder when your former life was solid and good. I have been content in my work, my partner, and my community life. Spiritually I have been able to grow and learn over the years supported by you, our community, and wonderful teachers. Yet, off I go and I wonder if the disruption is worth it. Is this where Jesus tells us to count the cost of discipleship?

Somehow, I don’t think that ‘counting the cost’ can mean figuring out in advance how costly discipleship is. Who could? I didn’t have a clue what going to church would end up meaning to me. I didn’t understand those first times I came to church or even after several years. All of us seem to stumble into belief, naive and uninformed. How could we possibly know? I’m counting on God to take me through this process and fill me with what I need. I try not to look to far ahead since it looks too scary. I want to believe God can give me what it takes to make the journey. If Jesus is saying, "don't start something you can't finish”? I hope not since I’m unsure that I can finish. I can worry about the finish when I get there. I am sure that I don’t have what it takes. Since I don’t have what it takes to make my life and this journey successful, I’m going to try to turn in trust to the One who does.