CPE has been momentous for me. I’ve been able to be of service to the patients and staff at St. Anthony North and they have taught me how to be courageous, how to be present to one of God’s beloved, and how to find new ways of being in face of life’s difficulties. It is a marvelous experience to take the time to step back and reflect on the meaning in everyday interactions. And it has been fun, hard, and sweet.
After reading this earlier paragraph, it sounds stiff. But CPE is anything but stiff or pompous. I don’t want you to think that.
I think CPE is mostly being kind, offering the beginning gifts of friendship. Occasionally people say they think the work of a chaplain is hard. While it is hard to see people in pain, the work isn’t any harder than being a friend. It is this extension of friendliness, this walking alongside someone, particularly during an intense time in his or her life that feels like a special privilege. I can be an intimate stranger, listening, giving Kleenex, sharing laughter and tears. Each of these contacts holds a gem of learning; each new person becomes a teacher for me, even as I stumble around.
Starting out I worried a lot about what I would say. This summer has taught me not to worry about what to say as much as to focus on what the other person is saying and somehow create a sacred place for the saying of it. In my desire to help, sometimes I miss that point. Most people are kind and let my failures just rest between us.
I’ve finished most of my required clinical hours—the time spent with patients. I still have writing to do which is harder for me. You’d think anyone who talked as much as I do wouldn’t have trouble writing but I do. Somehow, without you sitting with me I can’t think of what I want to say. Also without your comments and responses, I can’t really tell a good story. So with this post, I thought I would imagine what I would want to tell you about CPE.
I love spending time with the patients and the medical teams. I continue to be deeply impressed by people’s capacity for humor, perseverance, and self-reflection. Patients share their experiences with me and I’m delighted to listen. Often we explore what meaning those experiences have for them. This may be the foundation of theology—God talk—for me. I do assume God’s presence in our lives, God’s action in history and in our world today. Theology may be how to understand our humanness in light of the meaning those experiences hold within our everyday lives.
I don’t think God sends us trials to teach us lessons—what lesson could you learn from kidney stones—please! But we are foolish if we fail to look for the gifts buried in the mire of trauma or illness. Just as we are foolish to fail to look for the gifts concealed in joy and delight.
One of the delights for me this summer in Denver has been to spend time with family. My brother Pat and his wife Deb have been wonderful hosts giving me time alone and time with family and friends. They have three sons here with wives and grandchildren plus Deb’s mother and her sister, Linda, and her family. We have gathered to play games, eat, and see the Rockies play baseball, celebrate birthdays, and play with small children. It has been wonderful to watch these nephews as adults and parents since I remember them so much younger. Yesterday I took my grandniece, Brianna, age five, to the Children’s Museum and played with bubbles, rockets, and dress up. Today, after doing four hours on call, I joined the family at Eck’s Saloon to attend Josh’s, a grandnephew, School of Rock concert. You can find more about the School of Rock at http://denver.schoolofrock.com/. While I’m too old to be familiar with all but one of the songs played, I really enjoyed being deafened en famille. I did recognize Higher Ground by Stevie Wonder. The lyrics are: People keep on learning, Soldiers keep on warring, World keep on turning... It was fun to recognize at least one song. My brother did find out the bar actually sold earplugs and he bought a pair! What was great was to be with the family coming out to support Josh and his music. Of course, I was feeling my age. One song was introduced as ‘everyone will know this one’ and my brother said, “Oh, they’re going to play The House of the Rising Sun.” Well, you know they didn’t and I did not recognize what they did play.
So as I prepare for returning to Eugene, I’m hearing “I want to go home’ and ‘I don’t want to leave’ in my mind. I have so enjoyed the chaplaincy and having lots of family around. That competes with my homesickness for Kathleen, my dog, and my church communities. I wish I could fold over the map and make Denver and Eugene an easy drive from each other. Kathleen is coming August 24 and will drive back to Eugene with me. I’m pleased that we’ll have this time just to be with each other. Maybe we stop at all the roadside attractions that catch our eye.
